(503): why didn’t we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
(541): I don’t know but we should still do that

(260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled “cake” and all it says is “i love it so much”

(575): My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it’s a legit concern for him.

(949): how did we start talking about space blow jobs?

(952): Why are you covered in frosting?
(262): Friend’s birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

(708): its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something

(916): 17 year olds will be the death of me.

(319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
(1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

(845): Did you bedazzle the elevator?

(+27): I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.