(517): Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.

(910): Just when I thought this night couldn’t get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.

(304): You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing “Revenge Faces”.

(260): you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you

(337): He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now

(307): i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.

(403): i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i’m getting fired

huntingfor-zombies whispered,

MOAR PLZ?!

Fear not, there are nine in the queue right now and more to come! Your enthusiasm is appreciated. <3

3 years ago · 2 notes · Reblog

(814): What’s your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as “unmarried partners.”
(423): Oh my god… you’re gay. Ps, its A.
(814): No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we’re gay.

(310): If I’m going to go gay, i’m not going to go for a tiny dick.

(filename: thisisalie.jpg)

[submitted by ryface]